30.

in 3 days, i will be 30.

in journalism parlance, writing 30 means “passing on and meeting the great Editor in the sky”

in my world, hitting 30– 3 decades of existence–is reduced to an opportunity to wallow in self pity and a case of the “should-haves-could-haves”

i’ve been plaguing humanity of my existence for 3 decades, 30 long years — and today, i am hit with a case of “have i amounted to anything all these years?” self-examination and melodrama

i know quite a few people who did great by the time they’re 30:

* manny pacquiao - the greatest filipino boxer of his time is 30 years old (incidentally, today May 2 ‘09 –> he also kicked ricky hatton’s butt big time)

* tiger woods, one of the greatest golfers of all time, has won the PGA Rookie of the Year by the time he is 30

* JK Rowling finished the first manuscript of the Harry Potter book series at the age of 30. we all knew that Harry Potter went on to become the book which signaled a wave of hysteria among young and old and inspired people to read again and enjoy books.

* The idea for Twilight came to Stephanie Meyer whenshe was 30. Twilight resurrected the love for all things undead, and made Meyer a worldwide sensation like JK Rowling

* President Barack Obama graduated from Harvard Juris Doctor summa cum laude in 1991 at the age of 30. He was elected the president of the United States in 2008.

and what about me?

1. At 29, I married my bestfriend

2. At the age of 21 to 24, I discovered Journalism and enjoyed my affair with the written word.

3. At 25, I discovered Corporate Communications by accident and began traveling across the Philippines.

4. At the age of 25, I took my first plane ride going to Cagayan de Oro in the Philippines

5. At the same age, I rode a ship for the first time and traveled across the seas to discover Southern Philippines

6. I had my first international trip at the age of 27–not bad for someone who was broke.

small achievements i know, but i am trying to be optimistic. that hitting 30 means moving on to greater things…like having mini-me’s and mini-mikes; migrating to a country that makes me feel safe and secure; finding a career that truly makes me happy; paying off my debts; giving a good life to my mom and dad

hitting 30 might not be as bad as it may sound

i still dread it, but who knows what the future holds?

…married life (sigh)

I made a good friend cry today.

The reason–I will not be going to the much-talked about, much anticipated long overdue barkada bonding at Potipot Island.

Nah, it’s not because the husband doesn’t want me to go…in fact, he also wanted to go and we both agreed about us going with the guys to unwind.

Until–reality reared its ugly head.

There’s bills, there’s utilities, debts to pay, important things to take care of first, daily baons and necessities… count em up and you get to realise that you don’t exactly have the extra cash lying around for an out of town trip.

So–faced with the harsh realities of married life and the opportunity to lounge around in my favorite swimwear–i chose the former.

God knows how much I f*ckin miss my friends.

It’s not only them — in fact…here are the things I dearly miss:

1. new shoes which I can buy without having to go through guilt (new cool purple shoes! yey! oh shoot–do i still have baon next week sigh)

2. hanging out until the early hours of the morning. wasting money on coffee and pastries and huge orders of salads and vodka cruiser

3. mindless magazines and fashion mags bought on whim

4. new books to add on to my compilation of yet-to-finish tomes

5. new clothes! new clothes! (wait…i havent worn about two pieces back at home)

6. being f*ckin irresponsible and being happy about it

7. pigging out big time

8. trips to nowhere and anywhere on a whim

9. splurging on junk food

10. buying senseless kawaii things just because…

if this looks like a rant–maybe it is.

don’t get me wrong. i looove being married, but if you’ve been careless and shitty for the first 28 years of your life and suddenly you’re faced with the harsh realities of economics and family dynamics…it really has a way of making you crazy.

I loove waking up next to my adorable, crazy, at times funny and stooopid and witty other half. i love (and hate) folding his clothes. i love and hate (!) dealing with the bills, facing the budget, thinking of the utilities…

i love and hate all that.

i may not have the life i was used to…but yeah, i’m in this adventure come hell and high water…for the long haul…

(sigh)

It’s confirmed. I’m sick in the head.

I’ve been out of commission for a whole week. My January is off to rolling start, first with the hubby being midnight snack for wonbin the dog (it’s been 12 shots and counting) and now me being confined for 3 days at olivares hospital. but am getting ahead of my story…

last monday, i was rushed by my officemates to the ER of olivares hospital. why olivares? beats me, but when you have two frantic officemates (thanks al, cindy!) trying to save you from dehydration (i was puking my guts out and was generally woozy) the nearest choice that they have is olivares

anyway, i was told to stay there for 24 hours as they will NOT honor my medserve card if they will just treat me for first aid. since wala kaming choice, i had to stay there not only for 24 hrs but a good 36 hrs cos they can’t release me without a doctor’s consent and we can’t find the doctor who does her rounds ONCE a day. In fact, I’ve only seen her at the ungodly hour of 5:30AM.

they did nothing except poke me with needles, run a series of test (all negative and with results taking twenty years before you get it–my husband has to channel hitler just for the nurses to listen to the patient). every 10 minutes or so they poke me again for vital signs (i.e. heart rate, bp, temp) afraid that i might suddenly die in 20 minutes or so. the nurses are mostly students of the school and when i suffered headaches again and asked them why…ang sagot: inulit lang pabalik ang tanong ko “baka po mali position ng bed nyo, baka po sa mata…” DUH.

in the end, my fmily had to meet and agree that they will transfer me to makati med cos the people at Olivares cannot see anything wrong with me in spite the fact that i am still throwing up and having killer headaches in between. we had to have the nerve to tell the nurses that they have to stop putting IV at me (i had six bottles of IV since I was admitted) and that i am leaving the hospital the morning of wednesday even if i have to sign a waiver.

Thursday. The hubby and I had to consult a neurologist at makati med to get a second opinion. my head is still hurting like hell and i am still vomitting.

–and the findings? (TA-DAH!)

i am tensed, stressed and thus–my head and neck muscles are tightening up because of it. that is the reason why i get headaches and why i am throwing up. that is also  the reason why i am getting sick always. the doctor ran a series of test and concluded that my brain’s been running on overtime and if i do not stop, STRESS will literally kill me.

I am prescribed meds that come with official govt prescription, with note that it is dangerous drugs and i cannot purchase it without another prescription from the doc. to buy it, i have to have an ID and sign the prescription. the pill is as small as the button on my mobile phone and i had to split it in half per dosage.

so, that’s it folks…i am officially sick in the head
nothing new in that, but at least we’ve got confirmation.

here’s a postscript: me getting sick is a validation of how right i am to have this guy as my hubby. he never left me even once during my confinement and he takes care of me really well. i saw him crying on my second night at the hospital cos i was already crying from too much pain. thank you lord for mike. thank you lord for giving me my family. am still a lucky girl.

Married Life - 1 week, 1 day, 6 hours and counting

Been married now for 1 week, 1 day, 6 hours and counting…

What have I learned so far? Not much as we have been living together for just about 8 days only, but I finally realised that the much repeated statement “you don’t get to know the guy till you live with him…” is very much true.

So far, what I looove the most is waking up next to my hubby, saying goodnights and good mornings…i love it that we get to spend time together much during the season as we are bound to be busy when real life begins in January. I love it that I get to talk to him about a lot of stuff…we talk a lot when we were still dating, but now being married is different cos we always have to consider what’s best for the both of us.

There are also so many comedic instances, like us suddenly fighting at 3 in the morning because of his jeans (which he leaves anywhere), we argue about him flushing the toilet (a definite YES always), his Magic cards, how he refers to shoving his clothes in the closet as “cleaning up” and my weird obsessive-compulsive tendecies with things.

i know i have yet to learn a lot of stuff about being married–the hard stuff, and i know i have nothing to be afraid of, as long as we’re together.

(awww…)

Caught in Twilight

Early this year, I discovered a new book series which appealed to my vampire sensibilities. Unlike the vampire mythology of the Vampire Chronicles and Dracula–this one set itself apart mainly because it erased all existing mythologies on the blood drinkers (no fangs, no shape shifting, they don’t erupt into a bal of fire when they walked into the sun, they don’t fear crosses or garlic)…the vampires were of course stunning, and some of them possess special abilities inherent only to them The most breath taking is Edward Cullen, the hero of the series. The series was called the Twilight Series (divided into four: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn). To further make it interesting Edward falls in love with a mortal, Isabella Swan, his “own brand of heroine”, with a smell that he cannot resist.

I’ll be honest–I am not exactly raving about Twilight and New Moon when I first read it. I felt that Bella is pathetic with her world existing and ceasing with Edward. I don’t understand how someone so cool (supposedly, she’s too cool for Forks, WA). Edward to me is very melodramatic, protective and tortured. Don’t get me wrong, I like Edward Cullen–he reminded me of a young, more tormented Lestat di Lioncourt but with less sexual mystery…but I simply cannot stand Bella and how her world revolves around Edward.

I finished Twilight in one sitting and planned to continue on to New Moon. Then the Twilight movie buzz hit the rest of the world, including the Philippines and everywhere you look there was Edward aka Robert Pattinson embracing Bella aka Kristen Stewart. Twilight boks which used to lay bare on the shelved of Powerbooks and Fully Booked where now selling like hotcakes and I had to scour Glorietta to get my copy of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Even an ice cream brand were touting their faces as if they come with the experience of eating the dairy! It was crazy. very, very crazy.

Do not get me wrong, I perfectly understand the buzz, the book is a must-read for teens, not to mention that the person playing Edward evokes “hearthrob, with a capital H”…unwashed hair, endearing accent and an attitude that is still devoid of hollywood bullshit.

So, my sister and I vowed to watch Twilight on its opening (today, 26 Wed) in the Philippines.

But, yesterday–we were lounging on our separate offices (she in Makati, me in Pasay) when we both came across the announcement of an advanced screening at 11PM. Right there and then, we decided–darn it we will watch it tonight, ahead of most people we know.

The thing is–there is already a line, and a mass of excited Twilighters when we arrived at Greenbelt. Apparently, there’s hundreds of people with the same idea as ours.

And so the movie started–my sister and I knew that the women in the audience held their breath during two scenes: when Edward Cullen first graced the screen (he of that pale face, breathtaking eyes and sinfully red lips–I sound like Bella, shit), and when Bella and Edward was at the meadow, trapped in the rocks, accepting their fates, sealed by the lines “..and so the lion fell in love with the lamb”

Oh, maybe hey also held their breath when Edward came under the sun for the first time–he was shining like a statue made of diamonds.

Obviously, I liked the movie–here’s why:

1. It stayed true to the book, there were no annoying changes for “cinema’s sake”

2. The choice of actors who played the characters. My favorites: Alice, Jasper, James, Jacob, Billy and of course, Bella and Edward.

3. The soundtrack–especially during the baseball scene.

4. My favorite scenes: baseball scene, fight scene between James and Edward, the meadow scene especially when Bella and Edward was lying in the meadow, Edward as still as a glowing statue.

5. the freaking, witty lines. Here’s a sample: “It’s adrenaline, they rise up when there’s danger, You can google it…”

I love Twilight. The book, the movie, the culture…

Looking forward to New Moon

Everything is possible

I’ve been glued to CNN for two days now, tracking from the time the US election began…up to the time when Barack Obama was declared the 44th President of the United States.

A lot has been said about this man who brought great hope and spirit to the US. You can see it on how the atmosphere is ripe with the need for change and the yearning for hope each time he appears in front of a crowd.

It was an eerie sight–something I’ve seen countless times on the TV during my two day CNN marathon–people crying, teenagers pumping their fist in the air, a woman jumping while tears of joy streamed from her face. It was all there: the sweet taste of victory, the anticipation for change, the cry and prayers of hope.

For once, I was envious of Americans–and of how they were able to come together as one nation, and collectively, set aside old politics, set aside the color of the skin (which is not the issue at all), to elect someone whom they believe will bring change to their country.

They surely broke the mold.

In doing so, they did not only elected a new leader–the first African-American resident of the White House, but they affirmed that in America, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. This is the country where you can dream, and when you fight for that dream, and if you believed in that dream–then it is attainable.

While watching the TV, I can’t help but wonder: can we do that? Can the Filipinos do that? Can we set aside old traditional politics and elect someone which best symbolizes what our country needs.

We need young thinkers, someone who will break the mold, will rally Filipinos into believing that they too, can do something to change the destiny of their nation.

This country also needs someone like John McCain, who was gracious in defeat and a real gentleman even in his most trying hour.

Obviously, I am an Obama fan. But more importantly, I am a believer of change.

be careful what you wish for

..cos you might get it.

monday, 13 october - over lunch i told my friend J, the HR Biatch, that I’d love to have a vacation cos i am super toxic already with the wedding preparations and i never wanted to see the office again until 2009 rolls over. we were discussing how i seriously needed all my time focusing on the upcoming wedding and being out of the office is a nice retreat.

fast forward, the day after 14 oct (tues) — i went to the office with a slight fever, convinced that i could pull it off and finish ten thousand things i must attend to. i must distribute client emails, write a story, edit another one, monitor some news, etc. etc. over a thick jacket and boots, i braved the pouring rain…

as soon as i step into the office, i knew it was a bad idea. my fever’s running on 37, i am cold, i could hardly stand, and i was dizzy. at 10AM, i called it a day and went home.

at home, and an hour after…my fever reached up to 41 degrees and i was throwing up like crazy, staining my sheets, the jacket and my bedroom floor. i was rushed to the hospital where interns (no McDreamy in sight, sorry) pumped four different medicines directly unto my veins, I–then promptly passed out out on a chair on the emergency room.

I was discharged an hour after only to be rushed back in less than 20 seconds due to continuous vomitting on the hospital door. i stayed a few hours back at the emergency section, which i was again discharged after cautious checks.

in short, my prayer was answered. i was given 2 days bedrest, which i pulled into 3…i have a recurring headache, my nose is numb due to too much mucus build up and i take an assortment of medicines every 4 hours.

If this is how prayers are answered, I’d take the office anytime–just spare me four days of pathetic agony.

I am fine now, but still…it was a sick leave i’d rather not repeat. Being sick is hell. I don’t recognize the taste or smell of food, i got body pains and my body is now a mucus wonderland.

hopefully Monday, I’d be okay.

Repost: My Mike

In light of me getting hitched in two months: I am re-posting this entry which I wrote, i think 3 years ago…

I must admit that the stress and pressure of planning this wedding is getting to me most of the times, and with it comes hate and major OC bouts–which sadly always claim Mike as the poor victim.

There are days that we argue like crazy, but like magic–we always revert back to our cool selves after each bout of hatred.

I am sure that marrying him is the best decision (yet the hardest and craziest too!) I’ve made…and reading the entry before, made me more happy that I am spending the rest of my life with my bestfriend…

he was born jan-michael suzon on august 22, 1981.

he is a leo. an avid rock fan, a frustrated painter and an inspiring writer. he sees the world through visuals and words. he likes chicken gizzard. he likes the color black. he has an inspiring fascination on suns and moons and stars and the world in between. he likes poetry — the only person i knew who can kick me ass on the written word. he loves to smile. he’s the only person i knew who managed to impress my dad. he loves to look at sunset and spend time at the harbor. he loves jazz, and secretly — has a westlife album (allow us to be frank) and swore like a pirate when he’s mad. he wears rimmed glasses, since he reads to much comics and magazine. his only indulgence — as a man, is his collection of FHM magazines and Heavy Metal comics. He goes crazy over Mage Knights — the only time he forgets that i exist is when he is deep in tournament mode. And man, he plays really good.

Jan-Michael…or Mike wears his heart on his sleeve. he’s not ashamed to cry, the same time he is not ashamed to put me to my place when i am wrong (which is most of the times). he spoils me silly. he is well loved by my brother and my sister — he understands my brother best. he is well-loved by my whole family, by our cats, kittens and even my dog who died a few months ago. he doesn’t mind walking 6 miles to see me (or whatever the length of sta. mesa going to makati)right in the middle of a pouring rain.

mike loves to sing, his secret indulgence is to fantasize on being a rock star. that’s why he watches rockstar:inxs like mad. he thinks marty would win, but i am putting my sights with mig. he hates it that i drool over brandon boyd, or that i go crazy with incubus. yet he watched the concert with me and even joined me at the mosh pit. there, he risked getting injured trying to protect a demented girlfriend from the mosh.

when i cry sometimes, he would gently whisper to me inane jokes to make me smile. he loves to hug and kiss me. his fondest wish is for me to leave NN and just find work elsewhere — so that he doesn’t have to deal with annoying vessel crews and an even annoying travel order. he bleeds when i am my bitchy self yet still accepts me for the moron that i am. mike, tough he maybe on the outside is a sweet mixture of unconditional love and acceptance. something i am most grateful for.

he was born jan-michael, but for me he is simply mike. my mike. my strength and my shield. my only sense of reason. my guilty conscience. my harshest critic. my number one fan (he is the chairman and president of lani mesias fans club inc. >:) hehehe!)

to me, he is the half of my soul. he is my anam-cara. my morale booster. my number enemy for times that i reveal my bratinella self. he is my provider. he is my comfort. he is my life.

he is mike. my boyfriend. my bestfriend.

HK Countdown: 4 more days!

4 more days till my HK get-away with the little sis and the little bro!
this is our last “the-3-of-us only” gimmick before I tie the knot.

i look forward to seeing the places — and most especially JAY CHOU!
if i see Jay Chou walking on the street — bahala na! magdasal na siya dahil isusupot ko sya at bibitbitin ko sya papuntang Pinas!

hehe…just joking (but who knows?) i am sure i’ll find some ways to embarass my baby bro especially if i saw my fave C-Pop artistes. pasensyahan na! kapalan na lang ng mukha!

haha!

speaking of C-Pop. Talk about lousy timing. Wu Chun–one of me and my sister’s fave Taiwanese artistes is coming over to the Philippines…THE EXACT TIME THAT WE WILL BE IN HK–WHERE HE IS BASED!
kamusta naman talaga!?!

com to think of it, not being here in the Philippines will save me and my sister from further kahihiyan dahil i am sure, if we are here in the Philippines… we will track down Wu Chun. Kung si Elliot Yamin nga (na hindi singkit)–di namen pinatawad! Si Wu Chun pa kaya!

gakusei blues

ohayo gozaimasu!
gakusee desu,
nihongo desu!

good morning!
i am a student
and my major is the japanese language

i recently came back to school as a japanese language student. ive been attending night classes at one of the language schools in makati and today is already my sixth day as a gakusei.

some background– since i can probably remember, i have been badly in love with the japanese culture. i devoured everything that has to do with japan and its people and its culture and i always wanted to learn the language. but a few things got in the way and i had to make do with reading subtitles on the JDoramas. That is– until I got fed up, dividing my time looking at the subs and then at Jun-kun’s face (or Toma-chan, it depends) and then back at the subs again. So I said it’s about time i enroll for language classes, finally realising that it’s hard to do self study when you have no one to teach you proper intonation and accent. I finally gave up on a trillion phrase books and a customised Japanese audio lessons in my IPod and hauled my butt to school.

(the serious explanation for this is — “I realised its an advantage in the corporate world to be knowledgeable with different languages” CHENES!)

my classes are every 7-9PM and I learn basic/beginners japanese with 8 other professionals.

what can i say about being back to school?
– it’s great especially as it gives your brain exercise. try memorising the hiragana and katakana in a few days, as well as learn new words. bu hey, it’s worth it.

– after 8 years working, my brain is offically ON LEAVE. studying foreign words, phrases and concepts resuscitated my poor brain.

– i am officially hopeless in the use of particles like wa, ga, ni, no, eh, oh. Recent quizzes has humbled me with my school.

stil, i enjoy my classes and i always look forward to it.

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