rage against the dying of the light

"rage…rage against the dying of the light!"
– dylan thomas

i recently heard that another korean actress, Jeong Da Bin has decided to cut short her life. this came less than a month after a korean pop star, U-Nee was also found dead–apparently also by suicide–by her grandmother. Both decided to die by hanging themselves. In 2005, Lee Eun-Ju, one of Korea’s finest emerging actresses, also decided to end it all by killing herself.

The thought bugs me no end. In the blogs and forums which i have visited, people have expressed endless disappointment and sadness on the passing of fine women. on one of the forums, one has commented that it is sad that these young women who has the talent, popularity, beauty and youth–adored and envied by all– would end their life, just like that. in the end, all comments, remarks, all expressions of grief would lead to one question: "why?"

as a hallyu fanatic (hallyu–or the korean wave, pertains to the onslaught of korean movies, culture, products and pop-culture in different countries, even the philippines), i cannot help but feel this sad feeling with the passing of JDB. i never really knew her–even as a fan or a hallyu follower.  but as a person of the same age, i cannot help but feel a certain understanding of why–maybe why she decided to finally end it all. it was mentioned on some of the news reports that she was depressed and has hinted on killing her life. she had written her thoughts on this, on life and death on her website. and from those poems–it was clear–that JDB was sad and was searching for something which she hopes to find within herself.

JDB and i are the same age. and from what i read, we are experiencing the same problems–albeit on different levels. work (or the lack of it), the occasional feeling of loneliness, and the random feelings that are sometimes overwhelming for a girl of twenty seven. in my case, i am just an ordinary girl, working in a corporate grind. JDB was an actress–she existed in a world of dizzying lights and ultraelectromagnetic dreams. in her world, it is not impossible to feel–and get–lost sometimes.

for what am i writing this musings i have no idea. maybe because JDB’s death made me realize that yes–though i am cursing my mere existence as of late–i still have the will and the courage to go on. it was always easy…always that random to take up a gun or blow your brains out. it was always easy to say "i give up" and finally chicken out on the world. it was never rocket science to figure out the final goodbye. others have already gone ahead and took the plunge, it was only a matter of staging the final show, the final act of bravery.

of course, there were times back in pure old adolescent college when i adopted the "i-hate-the-world-and-i-wanted-to-die" stance. but what for? back then i was willing to eat our good ol’ laundry soap for a failing grade. but i grew up. people grew up. and i decided that wimping out on the world is just a melodramatic way of raising my hand and admitting that i lost. no way will i be doing this now!

it is just sad that there are people–and not just these actresses–who have chosen to leave this world on their own accord. sad because if they have only waited–something better for sure is just around the bend. it was just plain numbing because acts such as these remind you that yes, the world can be a lonely place, sometimes.

this picture is  printed on JDB’s website, along with her thoughts on life and death. the picture reminds me that yes, there is freedom in death.

…SOMETIMES, ALL IT NEEDS IS FOR ONE TO CLOSE THEIR EYES AND LET GO.

for jeong da bin, u-nee, lee eung-ju and xu weilun
rest in peace